Junk Mail

So as part of my daily routine I check the mail when I get home from work. Never fails that everyday I get useless information in my mailbox that instantly goes in the trash. This has inspired me to dedicate a blog to these "pointless mailers."

Whoever thought it was a good idea to mail random people pointless information ranging from fake plastic credit cards barfing to you that "you have been pre-approved" or unnecessary coupons for shit that people have never heard of let alone think about using. I seem to get this junk mail a solid 4 or 5 times a week and without hesitation every time it goes in the overflowing trash can in the mailbox area where the rest of the tenants dispose these pointless sheets also as easy and fast as a used Kleenex. This brings a smile to my face and if I am in the right mood maybe even a quiet chuckle. I cant help but think that some person actually thought this was a "good idea" and we just throw the damn things away without even thinking about it. I have yet to meet a person that takes these in their actual apartment and sits down and reads these things and later fills their own garbage with useless trash. This is what the trash can in your mailbox area is for. You all know what I am talking about...

Once again...someone should be fired.

You are not only wasting paper you are wasting my time and effort. I do not want to dig through my plump full mailbox to discover that I have no actual useful mail like bills and shit. Obviously everyone has bills at some point but come on do you need to send me this garbage every single day? I almost get my hopes up when I open my mailbox and see that its full as if I might have something cool like a check or some money or even an Eastbay magazine (got one today)! Lets just say that I hypothetically look through this waste and find something that I might consider using.

For example, a cheap oil change or food coupon. First off that means I need to go to a new place and get out of my routine of going where I usually go (looking up directions, possibly getting lost and new shit in general) and more than likely I will get there and the coupon will not be valid anyway because it is "not honored at that location" or even better "your car doesn't use that kind of oil" so you are not eligible for the oil change that costs the $19.95 and you get stuck paying the same old $39.95 or whatever. Which brings me to my next point...whats with $19.95 or $39.99? Why don't you just charge my ass $20 or $40. Simply ridiculous for the .95 or .99. Some things I just don't understand, its like they think that we think we are getting a good deal for $19.95 because its under $20. Get a life!

So back to my waste of paper rant, save both of us some time and just don't send this crap to me. Use the paper for your joints, doobies or cigarettes or something. Then maybe you can use your own sucky coupons and buy your own ass a "buy one, get one free" pizza during your "munchies."

Why don't you roll that up and smoke it!