Mallrats

So I had the honor of spending a surplus of my time at the Mall of America last week and I have been mulling this over the past few years...

How the hell do they power that place? I am convinced that they suck the energy and life out of each and every person that walks around that hell hole. I think they draw the energy from the people through the lights in the ceiling. Makes sense doesn't it? I mean they are always on and there are always a shit ton of people there. Sounds like the perfect equation to me.

I am sure others have felt this way and I am not the only one who is alone in saying that after returning from your trip to the Mall of America (for whatever reason it may be) that you have never been more wiped of your energy and the only thing on your mind is laying down somewhere. I have often thought of taking extended naps in my car in the parking ramp before attempting to drive home due to mine and others safety. I usually try to avoid that "place" at all costs but I had a few friends in town from the "sticks" that wanted to go so I said what the hell. I mean it was a Monday and it was better than sitting in my cubicle at work as I am presently doing typing this blog.

We first went to IKEA which I was a virgin. (I guess its ok to be an IKEA virgin--says so on the wall as you ride the escalator up) This place is quite amazing. Not what I was expecting at all. They even served food at this place...two cafeterias and ice cream as you pass through the checkout to leave. I of course didn't buy anything and never really planned on it but if I had a cool house or apartment and had some money to spend I am sure I could furnish it quite nicely. After 2 hours at IKEA we ventured across the street to the life sucking place called MOA. I was mainly along for the ride (or walk) and a lot of it. I once again didn't buy anything because that is what I do. After several hours there I felt as if I had developed narcolepsy as I felt as if I could fall asleep at any moment. Those lights and the constant dodging of people is about enough to move to the secluded mountains in preparation to never see another living person again.

The mall is filled with certain kinds of people and here is a list that I have come up with:
-high school girls who look older than they really are and make guys like me feel old and creepy
-your basic "Goth Group" d-bags
-gangstas and chicken heads that talk all kinds of shit and haven't actually bought anything at the mall since '97 besides at the food court
-rich older ladies who are trying to be young and have a minimum of 10 bags between their 2 hands
-your PDA couples who like to hold hands and walk really fucking slow
-"skids" which is a Canadian term for punk young kids that you want to punch the shit out of (often wearing those "cool" healy shoes and rolling around like delinquents)
-LAST BUT NOT LEAST--THE WALKERS!!! People who just go there to walk! Get a life or a treadmill and save yourself the embarrassment.

I consider myself the "businessman" at the mall. All about business. I know what store I am going to and don't piss around. Get what I need and get out. This often dictates even where I park in ramps. My main goal, shortest route possible. Done deal.

So if you have some time to kill and want to develop high blood pressure followed by a sleeping condition go the Mall of America. I mean it is the biggest mall in America and they are always looking for "fresh fish" to suck the life out of!

Upcoming blogs include--Favre Retires, Girls and why they are bipolar, My new Infiniti G35 Coupe and live blog updates from Indianapolis at the Big 10 Tournament as I leave tomorrow morning.