Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Stop and Chat

Did I ever tell you how much I hate small talk or as Larry David puts it the "stop and chat."

Small talk was at its peak this past weekend over Waterama and I couldn't hate it more. Bumping into people and chatting about complete crap that neither one of us could really careless about. Simply pointless in my book and downright not needed.

With small talk comes uncomfortable laughter and a constant awareness of an escape from the conversation you are currently in...even if that means talking to Hammond over Waterama who is completely obliterated all weekend long. Yeah I might have to put up with some physical abuse from him due to his lack of control of his extremities over the celebratory weekend but hey...got me out of the "stop and chat." Hammond is an absolute weekend warrior over Waterama and it makes me feel old.

I am not sure about what others thought about Waterama but it is getting worse and worse each year. Maybe its the fact that I am getting old and tend to feel really old when going to the bar around home and seeing all the young kids there too. I even had to ask some colleagues if there were "a lot of underage kids at the bar last night," to which was answered, "no they are 21 now."

This just proves how old I am getting.

Also another fact that proves that we are getting too old to enjoy two consecutive nights of boozing is the fact that some of your high school friends don't make it out at all because it was their daughters birthday and by the way the wife has another one in the oven on the way!

So next time avoid the "stop and chat" and save your resume recital for someone who cares. A simple "hey" will do the trick.

p.s. do you smell that??? That thing you are smelling is football season and its back!!! Didn't think I would make it through the sports abyss...

Oh and by the way...summer is over. Tomorrow is August 1st. Deal with it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Right Now: Top 5 Biggest D-bags and Deadbeats in Sports

5. Ahmad Bradshaw, running back New York Giants.
After winning the Superbowl last year with the Giants, this deadbeat completed his off season with a violation of probation stemming from being a delinquent in college by resisting arrest while drinking underage. Sounds like a regular Saturday night in Mankato but while being in the public eye its a much bigger deal. He was later kicked off his college football team at Virginia, sounds like history could be repeating itself here with Bradshaw awaiting a suspension now from the NFL.

4. Jonathon Papelbon & Francisco Rodriguez, closers for the Red Sox and Angels.
Papelbon ran his mouth like usual in complete disrespect of Hall of Fame closer Mariano Rivera. Papelbon out of complete ignorance thinks that he should get to close the All-Star game at Yankee Stadium instead of Mariano Rivera if the situation is presented. Let me repeat that there Papelbon...Hall of Famer in his own stadium which is in its last year of existence. Rivera should get the nod, Papelbon later retracted part of his statement. Imagine that.
On to K-Rod, this guy is real good but needs to take it easy on the celebrations after each save. He completely disrespects the batter with a tirade and ridiculous pointing to the sky. We know you are going for saves immortality but better watch it otherwise some of your players on your own team could be taking a pitch to their head in retaliation. That's baseball, I didn't write the rules!

3. Chris Henry, former wide receiver Cincinatti Bengals.
Another NFL player gets his trial dropped. That's a shock, too bad it was his fifth arrest since joining the team in 2005. Good ridden Chris Henry and have fun in the hood, now your arrests will give you street cred. Deadbeat!

2. Travis Henry, former running back Denver Broncos.
Must run in the Henry name. This freaking loser tested positive again for smoking weed. He now faces a year suspension from the NFL for substance abuse. Not even your own personal drug testing person could save you now. Did I mention he has fathered nine children with nine DIFFERENT women! Oh yeah and not to mention he has significant financial issues because of his excessive spending on expensive jewelry and several Mercedes Benz. You can take a blank out of the hood but you cant take the hood out of the blank. Textbook example of a complete deadbeat that cant even put down the weed smoke in order to make a living. Maaaan...you are one pathetic loser!

And now drum roll please.....

1. Brett Favre, (retired) quarterback Green Bay Packers.
This attention whore is back in the headlines again by coming out of retirement saying he wants to play again. Really Brett??! We are all shocked by your lack of making up your mind. You have put everyone through the meat grinder every year about whether or not you are going to retire. Really who gives a shit anymore? Nice interview with Greta on Fox News, oh and by the way get over yourself. Nice emotional retirement press conference with the tears and sobbing...maybe you should take up Soap Operas! I hear Stefano just died again on "Days of Our Lives."

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Life and Times of S. Mork

Why are people who wear knee braces and wrist braces always overweight women??

Look at me I have a sore wrist or I have a sore knee....maybe they are just faking because they are lazy and want attention but it still gets me every time. Maybe if you did some activity in your life and your biggest concern wasn't "what should I eat for lunch today??" you wouldn't have to wear these ridiculous attention getter's.

People who wear these "braces" are the type of people that always have something wrong with them. Always whining about something, constantly absent from work...just always something. You know what type of people I am talking about. I saw an individual today wearing the "wrist type" brace and she fit this stereotype to a T. Get a life!

So moving on, I got a canker sore on the side of my tongue and wow it is fun. Makes eating really fun and talking too! FUCK!

Traffic wasn't bad at all today and people must have taken off early for the holiday. I couldn't believe it and how great it felt to not sit in the midst of clusterness. I cant believe what I put up with on a day-to-day basis with driving to work. Surprised I haven't made headline news yet...

How bout them Twins??? Our favorite local nine is hot! Winning 13 of their last 15 games is simply a surprise with this squad. Taming the Tigers from Detroit who were streaking and taking 2 out of 3 and winning the series is nice but should have been a sweep after our bullpen collapsed Monday night but as Meat Loaf said..."2 out of 3 ain't bad!" Bad news is that the White Sox keep winning too...

The month of July will be a telling tale for this squad. With series at Boston, at Detroit, Texas at home, at New York, at Cleveland and finally hosting the White Sox. If we can survive this meat grinder, playoffs might be a possibility.

Getting the hell out of this city this and heading to the lake for the extended 4th of July weekend. Simply cant wait! Lots of beer, pontoon, fishing and grilling is really needed at this point in my life because once I return on Monday the abyss continues with the end of the 2nd quarter which means July overtime and lots of work to do. Get fucked up!



Have a good 4th of July and don't blow your hands off.

Go Twins!