Sunday, September 25, 2011

Just Another Day in LoserVille...

Just another typical weekend. Gophers lose and Vikings collapse in the 2nd half to start 0-3. I am done going to Gopher games for the year after last night and unfortunately we are going out to Purdue in a couple of weeks. I guess I am excited to see another stadium but that is about it. I just don't feel the same way about sports anymore. Just not very exciting at all. I used to look forward to games on Saturday's and Sunday's but not so much anymore. Maybe its because our teams are consistently terrible in everything. The Twins have 98 losses. Gophers are 1-3. Vikings are 0-3. Enough said! Was hoping the Twins would lose today...going to the game tomorrow and wanted to see them lose #100 on the year. Oh well...maybe we will get lucky on a high draft pick. Definitely need to shake things up a bit.

The Gophers program is at an all time low (if possible). The Gophers were dominated by NDSU in every aspect of the game. Especially the coaching. Jerry Kill's false hope and momentum is gone with his team's performances. The Gophers were out coached badly and I was very annoyed with the amount of NDSU fans in Minneapolis. Yeah the Gophers lost, but NDSU your season means nothing. What happens if you keep winning? Nothing, nobody cares. Especially Minnesota people. So quit writing me text messages about your stupid mean less to me than the stale bun on my bison burger. Go back to your stupid state...thanks for stimulating our economy in Minneapolis.

The Vikings aren't worth writing about. Another good first half, 2nd half collapse. I hope they lose every game this year so we can have a shot at Andrew Luck. Who cares about Christian Ponder...he is not an NFL quarterback. And what is the deal about Percy Harvin always getting hurt? Today he was sick to his stomach, yesterday he had a migraine, last week he hurt his shoulder. Starting to become a trend? Harvin is one of my all time favorite players but its time to quit getting hurt.

Quite frankly I am very irritable this weekend. My online sports betting has been poor so far this year also. I think I may just give up on Minnesota sports for awhile...might make my life a little less irritating. Until then, I am now an LSU fan for college football and a Buffalo Bills fan. Cant believe its already 4pm on Sunday. Depressing. Cant wait for another week of work. I guess I could watch the WNBA and the Lynx game...

OK its not that bad...well time to make another trip to the refrigerator.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Rock Bottom at Target Field...

The 2011 Minnesota Twins season has officially hit rock bottom.

The Twins started the night 21 games back in the AL central and in last place. For a team whose payroll for the year is approximately $113 million, finishing last in the awful AL central is unacceptable. The Twins have the third worst record in all of baseball! Are you joking? Tonight's starting lineup against the White Sox hardly resembled a big league roster with the likes of Joe Benson, Trevor Plouffe, Chris Parmelee, Luke Hughes, Rene Tosoni, Brian Dinkelman, Rene Rivera and starting pitcher Liam Hendriks taking the field at the brand new Target Field.

Sorry to say but the future doesn't look much better. With all of the minor leaguers that are worth a damn up in the big leagues already, the future looks pretty bleak. The Twins farm system is bare and their current roster is contract lopsided and set to get worse. With Joe Mauer making $23 million this season, Justin Morneau $15 million and Joe Nathan making $11.25 million, the Twins are in major financial trouble thanks in part to GM Bill Smith. Add into the mix the likelihood of the team losing Michael Cuddyer and Jason Kubel to free agency, the Twins are likely to be bottom feeders in the AL Central for years to come.

Since Smith took over for Terry Ryan as GM, the Twins have not made a good personnel move. It all started with the Johan Santana trade which was a complete and utter disaster. The Twins have no player left from the trade after giving away an under performing Carlos Gomez to Milwaukee for an injury riddled shortstop J.J. Hardy who was then traded away to Baltimore after one unsuccessful season with the Twins for a less than mediocre reliever Jim Hoey. Not to mention the awful trade for Matt Capps...we traded away a reliable offensive catcher in Wilson Ramos only to rely on a under performing, overpaid catcher in Joe Mauer (2011 stats so far-.291 average, 2 HR, 29 RBI).

Last but not least, Tysuyoshi Nishioka. Let me get this right, we paid money to negotiate with this loser? I wouldn't want him to play on my softball team. He isn't even close to a big league player, let alone an AA player. Trading away Hardy (who of course is having a great season) and assuming Nishioka to be your everyday shortstop without ever seeing him play a game in the major leagues is completely ridiculous.

The Twins are in big trouble for the foreseeable future. They have gotten old and the salaries are out of control. Smith has run this franchise into the ground with every single personnel move he has made since taking over. Good thing we have a new stadium to help pay the salaries among other things, however, if they keep feeding on the bottom of the division it is going to be harder and harder to sell tickets.

I know I am not paying any money out of my own pocket to go see a game at Target Field until some major changes are made in the front office.

Good luck Twins fans, we are going to need it and thank you Bill Smith.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

One of those days...

Today has sucked ass. So has tonight. I am flat out irritated with anything and everything.

It all started with Comcast (doesn't it always) coming early for a change to see why my cable blows goats. Usually when Comcast says they will come to your residence between 4-6 it means 5:45. Not today. Knowing past circumstances I thought I would leave work around the latest possible time I could. So I left at 4:15 and sure as shit, he calls as soon as I leave when I am on 494 gridlock. At that point, I knew the chips were stacked against me. I felt like Jeff Gordon weaving through traffic risking a speeding ticket at every bend of the road. I knew it was a risk to speed but wanted to take advantage of the cable guy actually showing up for a change so I pressed my luck. What a joke. Bright side is that he fixed the cable or found the problem so that my HD channels that I pay $85 for actually work. That was just the start.

After the cable guy left I wanted to go work out in our gym where there are two treadmills and two elliptical. I wanted to run tonight but that didn't happen thanks to two people walking on the fucking treadmill. Why walk on the treadmill??? Go walk around the mall or some shit. Some people actually want to get a workout in. Walking on the treadmill when you are 250 pounds for 20 minutes doesn't do shit! Oh yeah and that Powerade you are drinking while walking means that you are probably consuming more calories than you are burning. Get a clue. I applaud that you attempted to try something that isn't going to work but still, go back to your apartment and eat a bag of leaves you moron!

After working out not on the treadmill and hurrying up to get done because the Gophers basketball team played at 6, the night of disappointments continued. The Gophers took a shit on the court. Two words for tonight's performance...fucking pathetic! I think fans got ahead of themselves when they thought the Gophers were actually good this year. Cake-walk non-conference schedule filled with shitty teams...same old shit. Win at the Kohl Center against Wisconsin, yeah a good win but Wisconsin has now lost three in a row and just got beat by Iowa. Lets slow down Gopher fans...we are not there yet. Not even close! Typical in what I call "loserville"...

So my night continued to kick me in the nuts when I decided to quit watching the game and head to Target to get a few things for groceries. So after walking around and getting a few things and spending 30 minutes in the store, on my way towards the checkout I realize I don't have my wallet. Not only did I not have it in my car, I left it at home. I just threw up my hands and bailed on my cart in the middle of the store. this point I am considering to go crawl up in a ball and just avoid everything.

So after getting into my car and heading home with my tail between my legs, I had some change in my car so I stopped at Holiday and got a Coke and now I am setting sail with Captain Morgan.

Moral of the story, when life kicks you in the junk repeatedly, mix a drink and set sail.

Happy Fucking Thursday

Friday, January 2, 2009

Comcast Sucks Shit

Now that its 2009, I feel refreshed. I realize that I have been slacking on my blog and readers quality of life just hasn't been the same. But with a new year comes a new blog with all the rants and raves that you have all grown to love and I intend to provide emotional and cynical takes on random topics here in the middle of Loser Ville USA to help get you started off on the right foot in 2009.

First off let me start with this...Comcast sucks shit!

Not only is Comcast overpriced for a shitty product, the employees are retarded. I have spent too much of my life either on the phone or online chatting with a rep because of constant problems with my cable. I overpay for HD channels that don't come in and for some reason they cant seem to get it right. First it was "reset your cable box," then it was "we will send a signal to the box," followed by "bring your box in and we can replace it." Lastly we will send out a tech person to your apartment sometime between the hours of 10 am-7 pm sometime this week and then they don't show. No call, no show, no nothing.

Well Comcast three strikes and your out. Wait a minute, I have no other option. I have to settle for this sucky ass overpriced cable option with bad customer service. How can they get away with that? Its because when you live in an apartment you have no other option. If I had my choice I would get DirectTv but that is just a fart in the wind when you live at Southview Gables.

I cant believe that a company like Comcast can grow and make money with the kind of service they provide with the helmets that they have working for them. I think they are actually robots behind the scenes answering phones and chatting online.

"Welcome to Comcast...we know our service with have no other option..."(in a robot voice). Only robots could provide this type of heartless service because if the company was actually run by humans, human instinct would take over and sympathy would be felt towards its customers and prices would drop and productivity would flourish.

I feel bad for others that have felt the wrath of Comcast and its overall suckiness throughout the years. At least we have the Vikings game on Sunday we can watch on out anyone? Simply ridiculous.

Hoping to be Comcast free in 2009!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Top 3 Worst Commercials Right Now

3. Culver's--You all know or have probably seen this commercial for Culver's with that moron in his car is talking to himself about the "butter burger" and crowning himself a grade A d-bag. The Culver's employee then catches him talking to himself in his car. It is then filled with awkward silence and is flat out not funny. Save your money Culver's and just stick to what you know best...making America fat.

2. Olive Garden--This commercial or variation of commercials is filled with unbearable cheesiness. A group of people are all sitting around their table trying to decide what to order. Something to the effect of..."you go with the blah blah blah I am going with the alfredo." Forced shit eating grins and cheesy humor...makes me feel like I am watching Saved By The Bell re-runs!

1. Toyota--"Saved by Zero" This commercial is just flat out annoying and makes me scramble for my remote to flip the channel before it gets lodged in my brain for hours to come. I tend to feel defeated if I do not change it in time. If I find myself mumbling this song as I get my morning coffee at work accompanied by the fact that I am at work and have 8 hours left sends me into a deep morning depression until lunch time. This commercial is not only on is on the radio. Cant escape it!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Just When You Thought You Have Seen It All...

So I have been delaying getting groceries recently because I cant stand going to get them. Crowded, shopping carts, annoying people in my way and over priced food, not to mention carrying all my bags back up to my apartment.

Well today I made the trip to Target to get my food and got my usual stuff that I always get after work. I usually go on the weekend because I don't like doing much after a day of work but today I am glad I went.

It was a normal shopping experience for the most part until the end was near. I finished my shopping and made my way towards the checkout counter and while there I evaluated which one would be the shortest line and the quickest. Of course I picked the wrong one and got behind this overweight African-American lady who was wearing skin tight sweatpants. At first glimpse she looked normal but after closer review I noticed that she had a huge hole in her pants on the inside of her thigh. Were not talking a small hole we are talking like the size of my hand hole, probably bigger. Completely disgusting and at that point I almost asked the lady who was now behind me in line to let me out so I could return all the food I had just picked up because I was convinced I would never be able to eat again.

During that time of glancing back at the lady behind me it was a positive distraction at the time until she started talking to her little baby like a fucking idiot. After awhile another lady had gathered and the topic was how old the kid was, well my daughter is...blah blah blah. I just shook my head in disgust at this fucking idiot talking to her kid like it was a little puppy. You all know what I am talking about. Well I overheard everything you need to know about this baby and about how he was going to get a bath tonight and she wondered what "daddy" was doing. I gathered myself and was able to move past the now idiot behind me and the lady in front of me just finally figured out her check card and how to use the damn thing so it was now my turn. Complete circus...

Finally it was my time at the checkout counter. Things started out normal and nearing the end of my checkout experience I noticed the lady with the baby crowding my shit and her cart was now in front of the place where I had to swipe my credit card. After maneuvering around her cart that she was too busy to move because she was still talking like a fucking idiot to her child who also thinks she is a moron as I am convinced it was that bad. I proceeded to move forward to leave and she jacks the back of my foot with her cart in my heel. At that point I am real pissed and I turn around doing everything in my power to not go off on this fat bitch and I give her the scowl from hell! As I was walking away I heard her whisper to her little kid..."well that guy isn't very nice!" Hahahahaha she was talking about me! Absolutely priceless!!!

Making my way to the exit and shaking my head in disbelief from what had just happened and thinking that nothing would out do this or top this maybe for the rest of the week or maybe even month it happened...I see an African-American female midget with her normal height Caucasian butch-haircut beefy girlfriend!! I shit you not!!!

Of course they were getting into their Ford F-150 pickup. At that point I thought I was dreaming and had to gather myself in my car before I was able to drive and questioned whether what I had just experienced on this grocery shopping trip had really happened or if I was the victim of candid camera.

After realizing that I had not been dreaming and it was indeed reality and no cameras were in sight, I am sure glad I made that trip to Target this Tuesday the 16th of September.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Off With His Head...

Just finished watching the Vikqueens against the Packers on Monday Night Football. Needless to say I am bitter as hell. Once again we live and die with "project quarterback" Tarvaris Jackson. Brad Childress is a horrible coach and could be fired midway this season or at least I think he should be if they start off on the wrong foot (not a good start).

The Queens could be 0-5 realistically to start the season with games against the Colts next week followed by Carolina, at Tennessee and at New Orleans. Very easily could be 0-5 and if things don't change at quarterback consider this season another waste of time, spent money and crushed hopes.

Minnesota hasn't won at Lambeau since god knows when and haven't beaten the Packers under the monotone Childress. This team seems to have no game plans to start out the game and that falls squarely on the head coach getting this team prepared. This coaching staff is not getting the players prepared each game and that is not acceptable for the fans. Coach Childress has not proved anything and I think that if they start out 1-4 or 0-5, Wilf should fire his worthless ass.

The thing that upsets me most is that they have all the players and a team that is loaded with talent. Adrian, Rice, Williams wall, EJ, Sharper, and on and on but it just doesn't matter. I am also listening to fanline right now and some guy just called in and said that he wouldn't start Tarvaris Jackson for the Apple Valley Eagles! That is great!

So it looks like things haven't changed one bit as our defense can stop the run although they gave up 150 or so yards and just cant stop the pass. Our offense can run the ball but when it comes down to it...Jackson is going to choke game in-game out. He is not a starter in this league and Childress is going to go down with his ship and project quarterback who they traded up to draft. He just doesn't have "it" as a quarterback like Matt Ryan does.

Also our defensive line did nothing tonight!!! Jared Allen who??? I think he had one tackle. Rodgers was sacked once and also burned us with his feet. I know its one game but I think Allen is overrated and we probably overpaid for old lasso.

Side Note--commentators for Monday Night Football--Cornheiser, Ron Jaworski and Tirico are terrible. Tirico is good but the others are unbearable to even listen too. Also this game on now with Mike and Mike is even worse! Brutal

Well time to drink some High Life's and go to bed pissed. Thanks Coach Childress you ruined my week.