One of those days...

Today has sucked ass. So has tonight. I am flat out irritated with anything and everything.

It all started with Comcast (doesn't it always) coming early for a change to see why my cable blows goats. Usually when Comcast says they will come to your residence between 4-6 it means 5:45. Not today. Knowing past circumstances I thought I would leave work around the latest possible time I could. So I left at 4:15 and sure as shit, he calls as soon as I leave when I am on 494 gridlock. At that point, I knew the chips were stacked against me. I felt like Jeff Gordon weaving through traffic risking a speeding ticket at every bend of the road. I knew it was a risk to speed but wanted to take advantage of the cable guy actually showing up for a change so I pressed my luck. What a joke. Bright side is that he fixed the cable or found the problem so that my HD channels that I pay $85 for actually work. That was just the start.

After the cable guy left I wanted to go work out in our gym where there are two treadmills and two elliptical. I wanted to run tonight but that didn't happen thanks to two people walking on the fucking treadmill. Why walk on the treadmill??? Go walk around the mall or some shit. Some people actually want to get a workout in. Walking on the treadmill when you are 250 pounds for 20 minutes doesn't do shit! Oh yeah and that Powerade you are drinking while walking means that you are probably consuming more calories than you are burning. Get a clue. I applaud that you attempted to try something that isn't going to work but still, go back to your apartment and eat a bag of leaves you moron!

After working out not on the treadmill and hurrying up to get done because the Gophers basketball team played at 6, the night of disappointments continued. The Gophers took a shit on the court. Two words for tonight's performance...fucking pathetic! I think fans got ahead of themselves when they thought the Gophers were actually good this year. Cake-walk non-conference schedule filled with shitty teams...same old shit. Win at the Kohl Center against Wisconsin, yeah a good win but Wisconsin has now lost three in a row and just got beat by Iowa. Lets slow down Gopher fans...we are not there yet. Not even close! Typical in what I call "loserville"...

So my night continued to kick me in the nuts when I decided to quit watching the game and head to Target to get a few things for groceries. So after walking around and getting a few things and spending 30 minutes in the store, on my way towards the checkout I realize I don't have my wallet. Not only did I not have it in my car, I left it at home. I just threw up my hands and bailed on my cart in the middle of the store. Unreal...at this point I am considering to go crawl up in a ball and just avoid everything.

So after getting into my car and heading home with my tail between my legs, I had some change in my car so I stopped at Holiday and got a Coke and now I am setting sail with Captain Morgan.

Moral of the story, when life kicks you in the junk repeatedly, mix a drink and set sail.

Happy Fucking Thursday

Comcast Sucks Shit

Now that its 2009, I feel refreshed. I realize that I have been slacking on my blog and readers quality of life just hasn't been the same. But with a new year comes a new blog with all the rants and raves that you have all grown to love and I intend to provide emotional and cynical takes on random topics here in the middle of Loser Ville USA to help get you started off on the right foot in 2009.

First off let me start with this...Comcast sucks shit!

Not only is Comcast overpriced for a shitty product, the employees are retarded. I have spent too much of my life either on the phone or online chatting with a rep because of constant problems with my cable. I overpay for HD channels that don't come in and for some reason they cant seem to get it right. First it was "reset your cable box," then it was "we will send a signal to the box," followed by "bring your box in and we can replace it." Lastly we will send out a tech person to your apartment sometime between the hours of 10 am-7 pm sometime this week and then they don't show. No call, no show, no nothing.

Well Comcast three strikes and your out. Wait a minute, I have no other option. I have to settle for this sucky ass overpriced cable option with bad customer service. How can they get away with that? Its because when you live in an apartment you have no other option. If I had my choice I would get DirectTv but that is just a fart in the wind when you live at Southview Gables.

I cant believe that a company like Comcast can grow and make money with the kind of service they provide with the helmets that they have working for them. I think they are actually robots behind the scenes answering phones and chatting online.

"Welcome to Comcast...we know our service sucks...deal with it...you have no other option..."(in a robot voice). Only robots could provide this type of heartless service because if the company was actually run by humans, human instinct would take over and sympathy would be felt towards its customers and prices would drop and productivity would flourish.

I feel bad for others that have felt the wrath of Comcast and its overall suckiness throughout the years. At least we have the Vikings game on Sunday we can watch on TV...black out anyone? Simply ridiculous.

Hoping to be Comcast free in 2009!

Top 3 Worst Commercials Right Now

3. Culver's--You all know or have probably seen this commercial for Culver's with that moron in his car is talking to himself about the "butter burger" and crowning himself a grade A d-bag. The Culver's employee then catches him talking to himself in his car. It is then filled with awkward silence and is flat out not funny. Save your money Culver's and just stick to what you know best...making America fat.

2. Olive Garden--This commercial or variation of commercials is filled with unbearable cheesiness. A group of people are all sitting around their table trying to decide what to order. Something to the effect of..."you go with the blah blah blah I am going with the alfredo." Forced shit eating grins and cheesy humor...makes me feel like I am watching Saved By The Bell re-runs!

1. Toyota--"Saved by Zero" This commercial is just flat out annoying and makes me scramble for my remote to flip the channel before it gets lodged in my brain for hours to come. I tend to feel defeated if I do not change it in time. If I find myself mumbling this song as I get my morning coffee at work accompanied by the fact that I am at work and have 8 hours left sends me into a deep morning depression until lunch time. This commercial is not only on TV...it is on the radio. Cant escape it!

Just When You Thought You Have Seen It All...

So I have been delaying getting groceries recently because I cant stand going to get them. Crowded, shopping carts, annoying people in my way and over priced food, not to mention carrying all my bags back up to my apartment.

Well today I made the trip to Target to get my food and got my usual stuff that I always get after work. I usually go on the weekend because I don't like doing much after a day of work but today I am glad I went.

It was a normal shopping experience for the most part until the end was near. I finished my shopping and made my way towards the checkout counter and while there I evaluated which one would be the shortest line and the quickest. Of course I picked the wrong one and got behind this overweight African-American lady who was wearing skin tight sweatpants. At first glimpse she looked normal but after closer review I noticed that she had a huge hole in her pants on the inside of her thigh. Were not talking a small hole we are talking like the size of my hand hole, probably bigger. Completely disgusting and at that point I almost asked the lady who was now behind me in line to let me out so I could return all the food I had just picked up because I was convinced I would never be able to eat again.

During that time of glancing back at the lady behind me it was a positive distraction at the time until she started talking to her little baby like a fucking idiot. After awhile another lady had gathered and the topic was how old the kid was, well my daughter is...blah blah blah. I just shook my head in disgust at this fucking idiot talking to her kid like it was a little puppy. You all know what I am talking about. Well I overheard everything you need to know about this baby and about how he was going to get a bath tonight and she wondered what "daddy" was doing. I gathered myself and was able to move past the now idiot behind me and the lady in front of me just finally figured out her check card and how to use the damn thing so it was now my turn. Complete circus...

Finally it was my time at the checkout counter. Things started out normal and nearing the end of my checkout experience I noticed the lady with the baby crowding my shit and her cart was now in front of the place where I had to swipe my credit card. After maneuvering around her cart that she was too busy to move because she was still talking like a fucking idiot to her child who also thinks she is a moron as I am convinced it was that bad. I proceeded to move forward to leave and she jacks the back of my foot with her cart in my heel. At that point I am real pissed and I turn around doing everything in my power to not go off on this fat bitch and I give her the scowl from hell! As I was walking away I heard her whisper to her little kid..."well that guy isn't very nice!" Hahahahaha she was talking about me! Absolutely priceless!!!

Making my way to the exit and shaking my head in disbelief from what had just happened and thinking that nothing would out do this or top this maybe for the rest of the week or maybe even month it happened...I see an African-American female midget with her normal height Caucasian butch-haircut beefy girlfriend!! I shit you not!!!

Of course they were getting into their Ford F-150 pickup. At that point I thought I was dreaming and had to gather myself in my car before I was able to drive and questioned whether what I had just experienced on this grocery shopping trip had really happened or if I was the victim of candid camera.

After realizing that I had not been dreaming and it was indeed reality and no cameras were in sight, I am sure glad I made that trip to Target this Tuesday the 16th of September.

Off With His Head...

Just finished watching the Vikqueens against the Packers on Monday Night Football. Needless to say I am bitter as hell. Once again we live and die with "project quarterback" Tarvaris Jackson. Brad Childress is a horrible coach and could be fired midway this season or at least I think he should be if they start off on the wrong foot (not a good start).

The Queens could be 0-5 realistically to start the season with games against the Colts next week followed by Carolina, at Tennessee and at New Orleans. Very easily could be 0-5 and if things don't change at quarterback consider this season another waste of time, spent money and crushed hopes.

Minnesota hasn't won at Lambeau since god knows when and haven't beaten the Packers under the monotone Childress. This team seems to have no game plans to start out the game and that falls squarely on the head coach getting this team prepared. This coaching staff is not getting the players prepared each game and that is not acceptable for the fans. Coach Childress has not proved anything and I think that if they start out 1-4 or 0-5, Wilf should fire his worthless ass.

The thing that upsets me most is that they have all the players and a team that is loaded with talent. Adrian, Rice, Williams wall, EJ, Sharper, and on and on but it just doesn't matter. I am also listening to fanline right now and some guy just called in and said that he wouldn't start Tarvaris Jackson for the Apple Valley Eagles! That is great!

So it looks like things haven't changed one bit as our defense can stop the run although they gave up 150 or so yards and just cant stop the pass. Our offense can run the ball but when it comes down to it...Jackson is going to choke game in-game out. He is not a starter in this league and Childress is going to go down with his ship and project quarterback who they traded up to draft. He just doesn't have "it" as a quarterback like Matt Ryan does.

Also our defensive line did nothing tonight!!! Jared Allen who??? I think he had one tackle. Rodgers was sacked once and also burned us with his feet. I know its one game but I think Allen is overrated and we probably overpaid for old lasso.

Side Note--commentators for Monday Night Football--Cornheiser, Ron Jaworski and Tirico are terrible. Tirico is good but the others are unbearable to even listen too. Also this game on now with Mike and Mike is even worse! Brutal

Well time to drink some High Life's and go to bed pissed. Thanks Coach Childress you ruined my week.

The Stop and Chat

Did I ever tell you how much I hate small talk or as Larry David puts it the "stop and chat."

Small talk was at its peak this past weekend over Waterama and I couldn't hate it more. Bumping into people and chatting about complete crap that neither one of us could really careless about. Simply pointless in my book and downright not needed.

With small talk comes uncomfortable laughter and a constant awareness of an escape from the conversation you are currently in...even if that means talking to Hammond over Waterama who is completely obliterated all weekend long. Yeah I might have to put up with some physical abuse from him due to his lack of control of his extremities over the celebratory weekend but hey...got me out of the "stop and chat." Hammond is an absolute weekend warrior over Waterama and it makes me feel old.

I am not sure about what others thought about Waterama but it is getting worse and worse each year. Maybe its the fact that I am getting old and tend to feel really old when going to the bar around home and seeing all the young kids there too. I even had to ask some colleagues if there were "a lot of underage kids at the bar last night," to which was answered, "no they are 21 now."

This just proves how old I am getting.

Also another fact that proves that we are getting too old to enjoy two consecutive nights of boozing is the fact that some of your high school friends don't make it out at all because it was their daughters birthday and by the way the wife has another one in the oven on the way!

So next time avoid the "stop and chat" and save your resume recital for someone who cares. A simple "hey" will do the trick.

p.s. do you smell that??? That thing you are smelling is football season and its back!!! Didn't think I would make it through the sports abyss...

Oh and by the way...summer is over. Tomorrow is August 1st. Deal with it.

Right Now: Top 5 Biggest D-bags and Deadbeats in Sports

5. Ahmad Bradshaw, running back New York Giants.
After winning the Superbowl last year with the Giants, this deadbeat completed his off season with a violation of probation stemming from being a delinquent in college by resisting arrest while drinking underage. Sounds like a regular Saturday night in Mankato but while being in the public eye its a much bigger deal. He was later kicked off his college football team at Virginia, sounds like history could be repeating itself here with Bradshaw awaiting a suspension now from the NFL.

4. Jonathon Papelbon & Francisco Rodriguez, closers for the Red Sox and Angels.
Papelbon ran his mouth like usual in complete disrespect of Hall of Fame closer Mariano Rivera. Papelbon out of complete ignorance thinks that he should get to close the All-Star game at Yankee Stadium instead of Mariano Rivera if the situation is presented. Let me repeat that there Papelbon...Hall of Famer in his own stadium which is in its last year of existence. Rivera should get the nod, Papelbon later retracted part of his statement. Imagine that.
On to K-Rod, this guy is real good but needs to take it easy on the celebrations after each save. He completely disrespects the batter with a tirade and ridiculous pointing to the sky. We know you are going for saves immortality but better watch it otherwise some of your players on your own team could be taking a pitch to their head in retaliation. That's baseball, I didn't write the rules!

3. Chris Henry, former wide receiver Cincinatti Bengals.
Another NFL player gets his trial dropped. That's a shock, too bad it was his fifth arrest since joining the team in 2005. Good ridden Chris Henry and have fun in the hood, now your arrests will give you street cred. Deadbeat!

2. Travis Henry, former running back Denver Broncos.
Must run in the Henry name. This freaking loser tested positive again for smoking weed. He now faces a year suspension from the NFL for substance abuse. Not even your own personal drug testing person could save you now. Did I mention he has fathered nine children with nine DIFFERENT women! Oh yeah and not to mention he has significant financial issues because of his excessive spending on expensive jewelry and several Mercedes Benz. You can take a blank out of the hood but you cant take the hood out of the blank. Textbook example of a complete deadbeat that cant even put down the weed smoke in order to make a living. Maaaan...you are one pathetic loser!

And now drum roll please.....

1. Brett Favre, (retired) quarterback Green Bay Packers.
This attention whore is back in the headlines again by coming out of retirement saying he wants to play again. Really Brett??! We are all shocked by your lack of making up your mind. You have put everyone through the meat grinder every year about whether or not you are going to retire. Really who gives a shit anymore? Nice interview with Greta on Fox News, oh and by the way get over yourself. Nice emotional retirement press conference with the tears and sobbing...maybe you should take up Soap Operas! I hear Stefano just died again on "Days of Our Lives."